It is currently July 29th, 2014, 5:44 pm
So, group composition, lockouts and time constraints meant that Alatar had to forego the titanic clash with his arch nemesis 'Operator IX' on this occasion.
However, we instead ventured into a most foul hive of Scum and Villainy where we were assisted by a very patient Jedi Guardian DPS known as Pulverize. Although we stumbled along the way, the Wolves successfully defeated the dastardly "Operations Chief" after sneaking into Oasis City. Sadly, even intergalactic space heroes and heroines are constrained by their bed-times so after putting paid to the Chief, we bid our farewells and headed back to our ships for some well earned sleepy-time.
So, the Wolves reconvened last night to continue their quest to rid the galaxy of Scum and Villainy. Aided by a Norweigan Commando called Sugarpants McSomething, a man with a gun so large he was clearly compensating for something, we headed back to Darvannis for some unfinished business.
With only a couple of minor setbacks, the Wolves defeated the Cartel Warlords by clever use of tactics, including humming the Benny Hill theme to aid Noel while kiting Sunder around the back of the room.
With these supposed "Warlords" defeated, all that remained was Dread Lord Styrak himself. We almost took him on our first attempt, despite an Inopportune disconnection from Offengodt, but our second try saw us victorious. With the first of the Dread Lords defeated, the White Wolves returned home for some well deserved rest and considered their next move.
You'll of course be familiar with the SW:TOR Wolves from some of their recent work, in such dangerous areas as 'The Terrifying Beyond' and the 'Villainous Scummy Place'. Last night, seeking even greater challenges, they hopped onto their space ships and made a hyperspace jump to the world of Oricon. As we all know, this is where some Dread Lords (crazy ex-Sith in funny masks) are hanging around these days, hatching evil plans and generally making a nuisance of themselves. Flagrantly ignoring polite appeals to cease and desist from the local residents' association, it was decided by the Oricon council that the Wolves would be sent in to repeatedly stab/shoot the Dread Lords until they fell over.
A crack team was assembled.
Gathering outside the entrance to the Dark Forest, er... Dank Fortress, um...Dreadful Furniture?, the Wolves initially faced a challenge in reaching the front door. Blustery conditions and slippery footwear led to top tank Noél losing her footing a number of times and hurtling through the air to certain doom at the bottom of a deep abyss. Naturally, being a White Wolf, guaranteed death was little more than a minor setback and we soon* overcame the guards and made our way into the fortress proper.
Suffice to say, the horrors of that infernal place shall live with us all for the rest of our days, but we emerged victorious after heroically defeating a range of enemies. Terrifying adversaries such as "clicky gate puzzles", "stroppy magnet rancor thing" and "fingery dread lord bint" proved no match for our cunning and perseverance. Well, mostly perseverance. With the tentacle-loving Dread Lord finally defeated, the Wolves retreated to plan their final assault on the Dread Lords' Palace...
* If 30 minutes can be considered soon.
So, it was Thursday evening and a group of the SW:TOR Wolves were at Alatar's apartment enjoying one of his famous Spanish-themed evenings. Standing around and chatting while Noél slept in a corner following too much Sangria, and trying to ignore the fact that once again, Bru wasn't wearing any trousers.
Suddenly, Juli'ana's emergency comm link started to ring. It turns out it was one of those Jedi Masters who looks like Yoda; the kind that you've seen a hundred times in the cut-scenes but who you never remember the name of. It was bad news from the little green fella. One of the cleaners on Asation had accidentally plugged Operator IX back in at the mains while trying to get her space-hoover working. The colour-obsessed, drivel-spouting computerised cretin was once again kicking off and the fate of the galaxy was hanging in the balance one more.
Hearing the news that his arch nemesis had returned, Alatar immediately put down his dish of paella and took off his matador's costume. Before long, the following group had arrived at Asation:
Needless to say, the Wolves were on familiar ground and soon put paid to the machinations of their most persistent enemy. One minor setback occurred when a well-intentioned game of 'Simon Says' led to Bru massacring the party. He has since been suitably chastised by Artucrus, who has rescinded his masturbation privileges for two weeks.
Right, yes. So it's time once again to catch up with everyone's favourite band of merry space adventurers - the SW:TOR Wolves!
*pauses for polite smattering of applause*
First, please accept my apologies for any ***BOING!*** unusual noises during this update. I am relating this tale via Noe's Mumble headset which has been a bit temperamental recently . Regular readers will of course remember that the Dread Lords ***BOING!*** have been subjecting the peace loving residents of Oricon to some moderate inconvenience over the last few weeks. Some of their crimes include:
Leaving their mobile phones on during the movies in the Oricon cinema.
Randomly twisting road signs to point in the wrong direction, thus confusing non-residents.
Interfering with the locals' Garden Gnomes and arranging them in ***BOING!*** sexually suggestive poses.
Talking too loudly in the local library.
Refusing to use pooper-scoopers when their Dread Hounds leave unpleasant deposits on the street.
The Oricon tourist board, noticing a moderate drop in profits at the Oricon gift-shop, decided that enough was enough and it was time to call in the SW:TOR Wolves to rid the planet of this menace once and for all! Following an urgent holo-call from the beleaguered locals, Artucrus, our heroic guild leader ***BOING!***, set about picking an elite team to tackle the Dread Lords!
Progress was swift as Dread Lord after Dread Lord fell to our might. Finally, we reached the last battle where all the Dread Lords magically came back to life in a vain effort to defeat us. And when I say "vain", I should probably say "entirely successful". However, the week is young and the Wolves are ready and waiting to push their advantage and despatch this last challenge awaiting them in the Dread Palace...***BOING!***
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